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(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.” (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it)If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it)A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig.)Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing)Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm ... I won’t touch THAT one!)The ant. We cannot ever be too careful. And, yes, I can do it for you. Your bureaucrats are the same as ours. For the photographs you would have to alter your features slightly, but otherwise it will be fairly easy since your country doesn't employ fingerprints as yet. Give me a name to use, a place and address, two weeks' time. No, Bert, don't start about the money again, I am tired of it. You will fly business class to New York, doesn't pay to be too flashy, and we will pick you up there. Wilbur's new home is quite convenient for what we have in mind and Lexa is staying there already."So we agreed to return 'home'. Alfred and Wilbur to work on the company and on my travel documents, I to enjoy the frigid atmosphere in my humble dwelling — and not looking forward to it at all.Home was unchanged of course. I unlocked my study and went for a cup of coffee.A new name for me was easy. On the fringes of my larger family quite a few strange characters, nephews, far-removed cousins and such, had.
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